It's a Toss Up

Rex here. Hey, ya know Cher? The nice thing about Cher, and ladies of her ilk, is that they're the least likely to notice when you're raping them. Now I'm not saying that I condone that sort of thing- I kinda like to get the recognition I deserve for forcing myself on people (even if I am behind them ;)), but you know, if it's been a few hours and they are within striking distance, I say- well, this probably requires explanation just in case you're not offended.
Alright, so let's say Cher comes out with a new movie. And so she goes on a talk show to promote it. Talk shows have green rooms. They also have cameras. So here's what I do, and for this, it's actually beneficial to lose a foot-
You skulk onto the set- easy enough if you've blown as many Teamsters as I have. If not, drugs work too. If not, ask nicely. If not, commence to kicking! If not, you might have difficulty raping Cher during a talk show, but whatever.
Alright, so you get into the studio and you take what's called an AUX cable. Plug it in and taze people with it. I prefer the place on the body right between the butt cheeks. It loosens the sphincter- something 95% of Americans need anway.
Alright. So- keep going around with this live frayed AUX cable and offer to light somebody's cigarette. And they'll be all like oh smoking's terrible for yooooo, and you can't do that hee-yar, and all that shit. Right? Well, zap 'em in the forehead and see how prudish they are then because Rex has gotten a little angry with how much everybody thinks they know when all knowledge is merely crud that pulses around the seething core of our tenuous existence motherfuckers.
Now you're near the dressing room. There will be frocks hanging from a bar. Squat to the floor and climb up inside one of the frocks- probably a spangly one, because it's Cher, bitches.
And then when she puts it on, she'll just fucking sit right down on you and next thing you know, you're crash helmet has penetrated her vulva and you are inside her tummy and everytime you laugh, Cher has an orgasm, but she doesn't notice because her pubic nerves end at her hips.
Now breathing might be an issue, but here's how you extricate your head from Cher's vagina and take a breath without hurting yourself on account of sudden temperature change? First, you take your thumbs and poke her in the back of her knees. Then she's really just posted on your pedestal. Next you jump up as abruptly as possible, sending Cher rocketing upward and then you can either land and leap out through one of her nostrils, or you can touch your toes and land on your own ass and topple backwards and Cher will fall to the floor.
Revive Cher with your exposed AUX cable, preferably while your penis is in her vagina, and then wish her luck with her latest cinametic endeavour. From this point, you can do what you want, but Rex is hanging around the green room waiting for the next guest: Susan fucking Boyle!